Denizens of the Zoo
(sung to the tune of Particle Man, by They Might Be
Gangsta man, Gangsta man,
Sharing a house with his old man.
He wants to move up to Maryland,
If he had his own flat, he'd be so phat.
He'd have a place to hang up his hat.
But rent's not cheap, so he can't do that.
Commuting man, Gangsta man.
Pirate man, Pirate man,
Pirate man hates Gangsta man.
They have a fight; Gangsta wins.
Ninja man, Ninja man,
Of teaching courses, he's not a big fan.
He's grading exams, red pen in hand,
Algebra problems fall at his feet.
Number theory, he thinks it's neat.
With such vast knowledge he is replete.
Enlightened man, Ninja man.
Literal man, Literal man,
He's always there when the shit hits the fan.
Figures of speech he can't understand,
Is he on crack? Does he need to be whacked?
What's the deal with that hacky sack?
Why can't he just learn some tact?
Difficult man, Literal man.
Cyprus fan, Cyprus fan,
Cyprus fan hates Literal man.
They have a fight; Cyprus wins.